Thursday, May 5, 2011

Failing A Test

To the best of my memory I've never failed a test. I've never failed a math test, I've never failed a spelling test, and heck I don't think I have even failed a test in college. BUT there is a first time for everything! The last several months I have failed many many tests. I’ve failed pregnancy tests, I’ve failed ovulation tests, I’ve failed progesterone level tests, and now today I have failed am failing a test that God has given me.

One of our very best friends Rick, someone we used to live with for several years, and someone who I love dearly informed my husband that he and his rocky road girlfriend Katie are pregnant. I LOVE Katie and I LOVE Rick even more but this is NOT a good thing! Rick is VERY immature, can’t keep a job, and is wild, wild, wild! He says it will help him grow up….um buddy your father has 8 kids and he still has yet to grow up! He is his father! He is EXACTLY like his father, right down to the name! I am SO upset! I have had many many friends and people I know get pregnant and though I have been slightly upset for myself I have always been happy for them. This time however I just can’t be happy for them, at least not yet. I truly believe this is a test God is putting me through and I know in the end I’ll be fine but not right now, right now I’m failing miserably.

I am so sick of people saying “it will be your turn soon”, “you need to be happy and supportive”, “God will give you a baby on HIS time”, “I guess you need to drink the water they are drinking”, etc, etc! I do not need to hear that crap! I KNOW it will be my time eventually I KNOW God will let me be a mommy when HE wants me to, but I do not understand how people that have it all almost all together can’t be blessed with a child when they want to, but people that are WAY unstable in life and their relationship can get pregnant unexpectedly!   

So I guess chalk this up for the first major test in my life that I’ve failed. I know I will get over it and eventually be happy (I mean who can’t be happy when you will have a little squishy to love on!?), but not right now. Right now I’m going to be sad and mad and not be happy for them and not congratulate them. Right now I’m going to let myself fail. Hopefully I’ll learn from it and next time I’ll handle it better!

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